


Drowning In The Deep

by KazOfScotland



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depressed Sirius Black, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Child Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:35:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29543865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KazOfScotland/pseuds/KazOfScotland
Summary: Remus would do anything for his love, but the one thing his love desires, is the one that he won’t do. He won’t end Sirius’ life or allow Sirius to end it if he can help it.Sirius has been having a bad few days with his depression and in the midst of sobs he asks Remus to end his suffering.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26
Collections: Silly Love Songs





	Drowning In The Deep

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [Silly_Love_Songs](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Silly_Love_Songs) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) - Meatloaf

Remus knew what he was getting into when he first asked Sirius out. He knew that it was going to be tough. He knew that it would be difficult to get Sirius to believe and accept that he was worthy of their relationship being a good one. He knew that it would be tough to knock away the walls that Sirius has built to protect him from the abusive lifestyle of the Black Family. 

What he hadn’t expected was the psychological damage that had been done. He hadn’t expected to see the way that it had destroyed Sirius and all of his resilience and self-worth. He hadn’t thought of how Sirius would struggle to accept that he was loved and wanted. He knew that it would be tough, but he hadn’t expected it to be like this. He hadn’t expected this level of heartbreak. 

He didn’t even know what caused it. He couldn’t tell you how he ended up here. He didn’t actually know what this place that they had ended up was. He just felt stuck with his heart breaking. It was just a never ending cycle of watching Sirius struggle with every act of kindness that was extended towards him. 

And that never ending cycle was why he was here. 

Sirius had been having a bad day, he had known that in the morning when the man had been unable to leave their bed. He knew that it was a consequence of his history and the grief that came from losing his best friends. He couldn’t blame him for that, the death of James and Lily had broken his heart and soul as well. But he had known that they had Harry to watch over, he had known how to deal with it. But James and Lily had been Sirius’ only family, and more than that, James had been the one person that he turned to no matter what and had done since he was a child. 

Remus had seen this before. He had seen Sirius have days when he was unable to physically drag himself out of their bed or do anything, but it always passed. Only this time it hadn’t. This time Sirius had been stuck there for days. There was a darkness that was overcoming Sirius, it was burying him, and Remus wished that he could pull him out of it, he wished that he could bring some light into Sirius’ darkness. 

Remus knew that he would do anything for love. He would do anything to make sure that his love got to live a happy life. He had always promised Sirius that he would do anything for him, and Sirius, in return, had promised the same thing. But it was difficult. It was difficult to sit by and watch the love of his life suffering in silence, unable to fix anything. All he could do was sit there and hold Sirius as he was crying in the darkness of their room, a room that was so dark that it matched everything that was inside Sirius’ head at that moment. 

“Make it end, Remus,” Sirius kept pleading between sobs as his head rested in the juncture between Remus’ neck and shoulder. He had been repeating the plea ever since Remus had come home and wrapped him in his arms. There had been many occasions where they had ended up like this, especially when Sirius was having a bad day but it had never been this bad before. It had never been this extreme. It had never been this bad before. 

“I wish I could,” Remus whispered as he pressed a kiss onto the top of Sirius’ head. He honestly did wish that he could make it all end. He wanted nothing more than to let Sirius be free from the ghosts and harshness of his past. He wanted nothing more than to be able to keep Sirius safe from himself. 

“End it. Just end me…” Sirius cried loudly despite Remus’ attempts to calm him down. It was clear that the darkness was too much, it was too dark, too thick, too deep. It was just too much. And Sirius was begging him for a way out, Sirius was begging him to take the pain away and end his suffering. 

He would do anything for his love. He would do anything to save Sirius. But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t end Sirius’ life. He was too selfish to let Sirius leave him. He was too selfish to live this life on his own. 

“I’d do anything for you, love, but I can’t do that. I won’t do that. I’m sorry,” Remus cried as he held Sirius tighter. It was all that he could do. It was the only thing that he could offer Sirius and that was to hold him tight until it all went away on its own. “I’m not going anywhere, but I can’t let you do that.” 

Remus spent the rest of his night holding his love in his arms, his was heartbreaking at the fact that Sirius had been drowned by the dark cloud of depression so much that he wanted to end his life. He loved Sirius, he loved him with every single part of himself, and he knew that it would be tough but eventually he would help Sirius to surface from the deep. 


End file.
